10/10/13

♥♥♥ My Confessions : Looks , Life, And Change♥♥♥




This, I guess, would be an approach in a different direction on my blog. You guys know how I've always posted things but never really posted pictures of my face or anything right?

Well, I really want to change that.

You can say that I was always very uncertain about myself. I felt really inferior to almost everyone and when I looked at myself in the mirror I felt self loathing. 1: Because I never tried. 2: Because I was afraid of failure.



How many times had I looked at magazines or even different bloggers and said to myself "Wow! she's so pretty! I could never look like that!"

I guess over these past months I had been working on myself. Improving what I could, especially what's on the inside of me first.

As a child I was always overweight and then in elementary I was really skinny and then in my teens I let myself go and got a tiny bit chubby. I didn't really realize how I was get a bit chubbier until I saw this picture my sister took. I was in the background so I had to crop it. I wasn't that bad but I think seeing this picture made me really want to change myself. How is it that my arms stay skinny but the rest of me bloats, especially my thighs? Anyone know why? This picture was at an angle but I was actually a tiny bit bigger than this *according to my sister*.




I had no fashion sense in high school and my hair was really short in a bob. I always got made fun of for being really shy and quiet and even for being Asian. I guess beauty wasn't in my dictionary.

Then on top of that, I wore really thick glasses. I wore them since I was really young for as long as I can remember, I wore glasses.

When I tried for lasik and was actually declined because my cornea was too thin, I blamed myself. <- I can't remember how long I cried to myself thinking how great it would be if I actually had great 20/20 vision. I know my mom is blaming herself and I could tell she gets really sad when people talk about how bad my vision is.

She always thinks that it was because when I was in her womb she had weird cravings for cigarettes so she always sneaked away to smoke. I don't blame her and I know I don't think I ever could. I don't really think that it was actually her fault. Cigarettes can't do that to you can it?

Anyways, we actually went to many big facilities to test my eyes because my mom was really hopeful so we did end up going to many places. It didn't cost anything just to check them so I ended up doing it. We went rather far too.

From Texas to Kansas and on the list went. Eventually, the answers were all the same. You know, at first I thought that it wouldn't hurt to be declined twice but somehow it hurt each and every time all the doctors smiled and said "I'm Sorry."

I felt like they were mocking me but that was just the bad part of my personality coming to the surface. Eventually time did heal my wounds.

So anyways, after that, I picked myself up from there. There's no use moping or blaming anyone for anything.

I guess you guys are probably wondering how thick my glasses are right? You're probably thinking it's not that bad, right?

I am actually at -13.00 on one eye and -12.75 on the other eye. >.<


At one point in my life I thought to myself "I'm never gonna' get married because my glasses are so thick" .

But HELL NO! I'm freaking cute! Who wouldn't want me? Right guys!? *crickets chirp*

Ahem... anyways. I guess now at 22 years old I can finally look into the mirror and think that the person I am seeing right now is very cute and even rather sexy at a certain angle *not to make my ego any bigger or anything*.


I am seeing who I want to see for once.


I've also lost quite a bit of weight now that I actually started working at a Salon. I didn't even have to think of a diet  =D.

I think the me right now is the best me that I have dealt with in the 22 years of my life. I'm glad I finally managed to find myself, find my inner and outer beauty. I know I'll have my days but who will love me if I don't?

I think I actually developed more of a fashion sense after watching so many Korean/Japanese dramas and following so many fashion blogs. >.<

 I actually started touching makeup in 2011 and have been experimenting a lot more nowadays so I hope to someday do a makeup tutorial for you guys! I think I have really tried to better myself. I focus on taking care of my skin and have focused more on my outfits and makeup whenever I feel up to it.

I know that one day when my hubby takes off my glasses and kisses me, he is seeing the person behind the glasses, the actual me.

BTW I'm not married yet but I am assured one day I will find my handsome guy that looks like a Chinese/Korean/Japanese celebrity.

I just have a feeling :)



While I was writing this post my sister actually read it without me knowing since I left the screen open on the laptop T_T. She was actually tearing up when she read it, hopefully this doesn't happen to you guys ~.~

The purpose of this post wasn't to make you guys sad or anything. ~.~ I wanted to let you guys know that no matter what pushes you down, you can always get up. I wanted to inspire you guys and help you to see that nothing can take you down, only you yourself can.

I think one of the most valuable lessons I learned was to always stay positive. Love yourself the most. Make it a goal to become the biggest narcissist ever lol.







^ That right there is my no makeup face... except for the lipgloss I think. I thought I would "bare" myself to you guys. lol I've lost quite a bit of weight so I guess my face shape is changing or something *shrugs* No clue. I had to blur my sis cuz she was making a funny face...lol The first picture was at the end of 2012 and the second picture was in 2013 when I went to Vietnam.

I would totally hit on myself if I could haha. =D I'm freaking good looking. hahahaha. :)


Other than those picture of myself when I look pretty ok, I want to show pictures of me when I can be myself. I love taking funny pictures because I really like to laugh at the things my face can do too.




Love you guys!




Your Challenge
-------------------

I dare you to look into the mirror and give yourself compliments! To look into the mirror and tell yourself you are better than what anyone can ever tell you. YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL and no one can say otherwise. Even better, look into the mirror and say to yourself  "I Love You".

*teehee*

Tell me what you told yourself in the mirror! I really want to know, no matter how narcissistic(I made a funny) it is! :)




6 comments:

  1. Thank you for dropping by my blog and telling me you'll be stalking it. ♥

    I just want to say something about your post because I absolutely feel you and I have also experience on this one.
    I used to be like you - I was chubby growing up and I was always teased for it in school from grade school til high school. I was always that fat kid. I never even thought that someday I would be a beauty blogger and people will find me pretty. I tried going on several diets starting in high school. I did lose some weight but I was still considered fat by most people. In college, I tried to overcome all of this by being an active leader (class/school/organizations). I tried to hide my weight and bad self-image by being the best at what I do, lead other people. In the middle of college I started going to the gym and I really lost most of my fat and got a boyfriend but I still didn't consider myself as pretty. I broke up with my boyfriend... and then I started getting more into makeup. At first I thought that makeup would be able to help me become a beautiful girl that every guy would want. But I found something rather exciting with playing around with makeup. It gave me confidence. And suddenly I began to realize that what kept me from being happy and from getting any love wasn't my weight or my looks... it was because I didn't love myself enough and I didn't believe in myself. I was beautiful... I am beautiful.

    My weight now is probably no different from what it was from high school... I still have my fats and I constantly try to diet, but you know what, I have a wonderful boyfriend now and I have a lot of guys and girls telling me I'm beautiful no matter what my weight is. I look beautiful with makeup on but I still look good without it.

    It's not only you who feel this way but most girls and even guys do. So cheer up. :) I'm telling you you're beautiful. Don't ever think you're not. And someday you'll definitely meet the guy for you! :))

    Lots of love,
    Joanne
    http://urhappybunnie.blogspot.com

    (Oh and feel free to email me... I would love to be your friend outside of the blogging community)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I really ♥♥♥ how long your post is! Thank you so much for writing about some of your experience! :)

      Thank goodness you managed to find yourself too huh? I think when I was younger I seriously felt like
      I didn't fit in, but now that I am older I learned that just being myself and loving myself is enough to
      have my world going again!!!

      I can look into the mirror and say to myself that I am actually beautiful without worrying about what
      anyelse thinks!


      You too Joanne! lol We're all pretty in our own way, right? :) Thank you for dropping by and telling
      me your story too!

      I think makeup, hair and even dressing myself better really gave me more confidence! After I started
      to become more talkative in college I really managed to open myself up more now! Especially since
      I work in a salon I really have to talk and get to know customers! < This is something I really like
      to do! I end up giving more advice than I ever thought I would! :)


      I guess now, I am actually loving myself more and even the people around me! :)



      Thank you for your inspiring comment! ^_^

      Let's grow together! :)

      Delete
    2. Hi! I'm glad you like my post.

      You know I still have those days though... when I'm not confident and I just don't feel that I am not good enough. Yet, life still has to go on and I just keep telling myself that it's gonna be better tomorrow and that I am beautiful.

      I also had those eye issues. I am myopic and I wear glasses since I was in 5th grade. Not as early as you did but having glasses didn't help at all since I was really fat and had a round face. In junior year I begged my dad to let me wear contacts because prom was coming up. And after that I didn't wear glasses outside of the house anymore. After a year of wearing regular clear contacts I ventured in wearing circle lenses. And it made a whole lot of difference in my look and it did help boost my confidence too.

      I hope that other girls will find our stories inspiring as well. :))

      Delete
  2. great!!!
    would you like to follow each other?
    just let me know
    xx
    Marlena

    ReplyDelete
  3. Totally hit home on this one Miss Mizu. First of all, I want to thank you for being so honest and also very inspiring. I think a majority of young girls go through that, I've worn glasses since 5th grade in elementary school and was also made fun of for being one of the only Asian kids in my school. I also had VERY chubby stages growing up, thinned out in middle school and was actually quite fit in high school. After graduating, it was like all my hard work decided to disappear and I have been struggling with yo-yo weight since. It's really hard to take a good look at yourself inside and out, and I want to say that you are so awesome for being able to do this! I struggle with loving myself and loving what I see often, and the most frustrating part of it is? I know I shouldn't feel that way, but I still do anyway! >.<; I hope you continue blogging with this honesty, because it's so refreshing and you are sending good vibes and encouraging words to other people who may need to hear or read them. ^___^b ♥ Continue being beautiful!

    ReplyDelete